Card Shark
by The-Eighth-Sin
Summary: Bad assery abounds in my newest fic. Naruto raised by the Hokage and Jiraiya. Basically he's super cool. From author of Blood Harvest and Hawk Eyes. Pretty much NarutoxAll girls. He's cool like that. Listen to the band Big Bad VooDoo Daddy while reading.:


God. Dammit. I promised myself I would do this. I threatened myself not top do this. But I'm fuckin' doin' it anyway. Yes, I've started a new story. This one has been on my mind for awhile. Today I got the inspirational push I was looking for to actually get at least the prologue down. Bear with me guys, I know you probably hate me for this, lol.

_**IMPORTANT TO THE STORY:**_ The gennin exams will be pushed forward three years meaning that they are already in shippuden form before they even graduate. This is mostly because I'm tired of writing about twelve year-olds. If you are confused or are going to tell me the ages are wrong you have obviously missed this and I have obviously told you to go back and read this. Dumbass.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any affiliated characters. Unless I make some up. In which case I want some credit for them.**

Sarutobi heaved a great sigh as he let himself fall down into the chair of the Hokage once again. Running a hand through his thinning hair he closed his eyes. It had been twenty four hours ago. A day before the Fourth Hokage, arguably the greatest ninja to ever live had given his life to save the village of Konohagakure no Sato from the rampaging Kyuubi no Yoko. In doing so he managed to seal the beast into the body of the infant sleeping happily in the crib next to his desk. Uzumaki Naruto. That was the child's name.

The news of the babe's 'affliction' was met with roaring crowds, screaming for his blood. The council was in an uproar, there civilians were getting more restless by the hour. Hell, he'd had to create a law just to prevent the spread. Of course looking back, the decision was made in haste and there were many loopholes that anyone willing to put enough effort into harming the boy could easily manipulate. Damn his impulsiveness.

Opening his eyes he shifted his gaze form the ceiling to the light blue crib next to him. He was met with big, blue eyes and shinning, golden hair. He also had to lay eyes on six reminders of the recent attack. Three on each of young Naruto's cheeks. But despite the inhuman trauma that he just went through the baby smiled a toothless smile when he caught sight of the aging Hokage.

Unable to control himself in the face of such cuteness the wizened Sarutobi wagged his finger in front of the baby's face; clicking his tongue as he did so. Naruto watched to appendage with awe before giggling and attempting to grab hold of the floating finger. The old Hokage could only chuckle at the child. Allowing himself to fall into his role of grandfather he hefted little Naruto from his bed and began to baby-talk the baby. All the while contemplating what to do about the child.

No family would willingly accept him, and the council would no doubt attempt to save face with an execution. Just the thought made the Third's blood boil. Before his anger could get the best of him Naruto yawned deeply just before cuddling into the warmth of the Hokage's arm. Sighing, Sarutobi fell back into his chair, babe in arm, to contemplate his choices.

-Three Hours Later-

Jiraiya burst through the office doors, intent on finding his old sensei before something could happen to his student's legacy. He stopped when the Third looked up from his sleeping cargo with a content smile on his face.

"Sensei…" Jiraiya began warily as he slowly approached. Ready to talk his old teacher down from making the wrong decision.

"Jiraiya." Sarutobi said in a way that commanded all attention. "I've made a decision."

"Now hold on just a second there Sensei! I have just as much say in this as you do! If not more! I won't let you do-" Jiraiya would have continued if the current Hokage hadn't fixed him with such an imposing stare.

"Jiraiya. Listen to me. I know about your decision to leave," Jiraiya flinched the most miniscule amount possible at the way the Hokage said that, "and I will respect it." Jiraiya was shocked, even if he didn't show it. "You have lost so much recently. I can't hold it against you. But I will not allow you take Naruto with you, nor will allow the council to take him from me." The Hokage finished forcefully.

"The council won't allow you to keep him. As much as I loath to admit it, they've got us over a barrel." Jiraiya ground out through clenched teeth, his fist clenching and un-clenching violently.

Sarutobi had a pensive look for a moment before looking into the confused eyes of Naruto. Lifting his gaze, he said, in his most authoritative voice, "Fuck the council." Jiraiya stood dumbstruck. His sensei had never cursed so vehemently before.

"What?"

"I'm the Hokage dammit! I'll keep the boy. If I can convince them that he could be trained to control his burden, those power hungry fools would never turn down the chance."

"So instead of letting him be killed, or be left alone, you're going to turn him into a lifeless, _killing_..." Jiraiya paused struggling to find the right word, "_machine?_" He spat out the word with fury in his voice and his eyes.

"No! I will personally oversee his training. He will be raised like a child should, but I will teach him how to protect himself and his village!" Sarutobi replied just as forcefully. Jiraiya calmed, before smirking.

"Okay, you're gonna have to elaborate on this plan of your's Sensei. Don't you think it's a bad idea to swear in front of the little guy." Jiraiya said as he sat down in one of the chairs and held his arms out, asking through his actions to hold the giggling baby.

Handing the living prison over Sarutobi replied, "Of course. But he won't remember any of this anyway. He's a day old." With that he sat back down and poured two saucers of rice wine. He then pull out a deck of playing cards, which he shuffled before dealing two hands.

"Famous last words." Jiraiya said as he downed his cup in one go before picking up his cards.

-One Hour Later-

"Hmph, well don't expect to get all the fun in teaching this kid." Jiraiya said with a smirk as he bounced the small child on his knee. During the course of the game Naruto had managed to get a hold of one of the cards and would let go. "Heh, kid's got a grip." Little did they know that Naruto would keep that card for a long time, he'd even start teething on the thing.

"Yes, I can see great things for this little one." Sarutobi said as he laid Naruto down for bed.

"Don't get all sentimental on me Old man. Well, I guess this is good bye…for now." Jiraiya said as he turned to leave.

"Yes, I hope to see you soon Jiraiya. We will have much to do."

**-XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX-**

During the ensuing meeting to decide the fate of a certain blue-eyed baby, there was much screaming, yelling, cursing and threatening going on. In the end, the council's lust for military and political power led them to agree to the Third's terms and conditions. Though not with a fight. And so began the life of one of the world's surprising ninja.

**-15 years later-**

Sarutobi heaved a great sigh as he read the report from Jiraiya. Apparently Orochimaru, in his asinine quest to learn all jutsu, has developed a fetish for Sharingan eyes. Only one Uchiha remained loyal to Konoha while the other was a nuke-nin; not to mention the fact that said nuke-nin could easily outclass the snake fanatic. In order to protect the last loyal Uchiha Sarutobi was going to have to make a drastic decision.

Reaching over to his intercom he pressed the orange button. A short beep was heard followed by an equally short silence as a voice broke through the static.

"What can I do ya' for Ojiji-sama?" came a masculine voice from over the intercom.

"I have a mission for you. It's rather important but you can take your time getting here. We wouldn't want any accidents like last time now would we?" Sarutobi answered with a grin that went unseen by his associate.

"I told you guys! It _was_ and accident! If you hadn't made the _mission_ sound so urgent I wouldn't have knocked him down the stairs…he was asking for it anyway. You saw the way he looked at my ass when I walked by that one time. We both know I don't swing that way." The voice said.

"Yes, yes, I understand just be careful this time." The Third chuckled as he leaned back in his chair.

"Yeah, yeah I'm comin', I'm comin'." The voice faded out. The Hokage closed his eyes and began to reminisce about-

"That's what she said." His thoughts were interrupted as the voice broke through the silence once again. "Okay, I'm seriously leaving this time." The Sandaime could only shake his head. Thinking back he was still amazed. Naruto had been an incredible learner. He absorbed everything thrown at him, but he refused to do anything the way he was taught it. He would only execute it in his own unique way. The Hokage supposed that that business all started on his third birthday.

There had been a magician who was adept at card tricks. Naruto had instantly been enthralled. Expressing that he "wan'd to do dat too". The Hokage had chuckled at the time before asking about the boy's dream to overtake his title. In response the toddler had said, "Den I do boff." To this day the child had kept his word. He had grown into a fine young man, and an incredible warrior. The Hokage's most trusted guard in fact. Thinking about the boy's childhood brought up the memory of his first word.

**Flashback**

_Asuma, who had been babysitting at the time, burst into the Hokage's office. Panic etched quite clearly across his features. Sandaime immediately shot up out of his chair._

"_What's wrong!? Has something happened to Naruto!?" He asked voice rampant with concern._

"_W-well, no." The Hokage visibly relaxed. "Not exactly." Asuma continued. The older Sarutobi raised a curious eye-brow, prompting his first son to explain._

"_Well…you see…he, he said his first word." Asuma nervously said as he presented the baby to his father._

"_That's wonderful! What did he say?" The Hokage asked merrily as he held his surrogate son in his arms._

"_Well he said…uh…" The younger Sarutobi shifted nervously._

"_What? What did he say?" Asuma took a deep breath, opened his mouth and…_

"_Fuck." Both Sarutobis stood ramrod straight, both staring at the person in the room who had spoken. Little baby Naruto. "Fuck!" He saidly happily as he raised his arms, attempting to take the Hokage's hat._

"_That. He said that." Asuma said as he waited for his father's reaction._

"_I can't believe it…Jiraiya was right. About children!" The Hokage said as he handed his adopted son to his first born. He than sat down at this desk and cradled his head in his hands. "I've corrupted him worse than Jiraiya has." Asuma could only watch his father fall into a downward spiral of self loathing._

_Baby Naruto found this scene extremely enjoyable and decided to let everyone know. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Each repetition caused the men in the room to flinch. Needless to say the Secretary was mortified when a haggard looking Asuma walked by carrying a cursing child._

**End Flashback**

"Those were the good old days." Sarutobi said aloud, with a wistful smile on his face. Moments later the door opened revealing the center of his most recent thoughts.

"Hey, pops." Naruto greeted as he swaggered into the room. Wearing casual clothing, one would not think he was a ninja unless you knew what to look for.

"Ah, Naruto perfect timing." Sarutobi said as he leaned forward and laced his fingers together on his desk.

"As always." Naruto added with an air of confidence.

"Hm, quite. Now, I have a very important mission for you." Naruto stood at attention at the mention of a mission. He knew when he needed to be serious. "Your mission," Naruto sent the Hokage a pleading look, the older man audibly sighed before continuing, "should you choose to accept it." Naruto made a fist and pulled it back, saying a quiet and drawn out 'yes'. "Is to join the Konoha Ninja Academy, under the guise of a gennin hopeful next weak. You will take this final year to observe and prepare a detailed report on all students in the class. You will pass the class, but just barely, to conceal your true identity. Being the bottom of your class will also allow you to be placed on the team of one, Uchiha Sasuke, your target, without suspicion." The Third stated and Naruto stood at attention and absorbed all the information.

"You will protect Sasuke from capture or death. In the worst case scenario keep him alive long enough to be brought back to Konoha for-"

"Genetic retrieval. In other words make sure that he can still squirt his 'gurt so that we can at least have test tube Uchihas. Right?" Naruto finished for his leader and father figure. He'd figured as much.

"Exactly. In addition to this mission you will have your normal duties as my guard." The Hokages smiled, trust Naruto to be Naruto. "Any questions?"

"Not really. You seem to forget that any files ero-sensei send to you are forwarded through me first." Naruto said with a smirk. Sarutobi simply smiled before nodding his head.

"Ah yes, I'd nearly forgotten."

"I do have one question though." At the Hokage's nod Naruto continued. "Since I'm gonna be in the academy that means I get to wear my cool clothes that I can't wear when I'm on regular duty, right?" He asked with hope in his voice. Chuckling the Hokage nodded.

"Yes, yes. Go crazy, or whatever you kids say these days." He said as he waved Naruto off.

"You sound so über lame right now pop." Naruto said as he began to leave.

"I'll just assume that means I'm the best." Sarutobi said as he began to work on another piece of paperwork. Konoha was going to get a major wake up call in the next few months.

**A/N:** Okay. This is good. I can work with this. Trust me. Second chap will be much better. **MUCH BETTER.** This is a prologue and I hate those. But they are necessary for me to set up the plot of the story as well as some background on my new Naruto. He will be strong, Not the strongest, but strong. Simply because I like it when he kicks ass because in the anime and manga I find he's lacking. Everyone else can do super saiyan feats of strength, agility, and speed. All Naruto's got is spinning ball and an angry fox. Both of which hurt him. It's sucks, I like it better when he kicks ass and takes names. SASUKE SHOULD NOT BE COOLER THAN NARUTO! WHY IS HE!? WHY!? HE SUCKS…BALLS! That is all. Chapter two will introduce his cool, cool, cool, look that I can guarantee no one has done before. Go ahead try and guess what he looks like.


End file.
